Why my guy friends want to be my makeup assistant

All my guy friends want to assist me on shoots. They say they'll carry my bags. They say they'll help me powder noses. I try talk them down, I try explain how this job isn't all glitz and glam, I try tell them that I often work on extremely boring shoots, I try explain how I don't always work on gorgeous leggy supermodels who prance around naked all day. *SIGH* and then a photographer tags me in pictures like this:

*UPDATE: the pic was removed because the model works for a shitty company that gave her all sorts of threats when they saw it. I say fuck them. But we love her so I took it down. It was a very tastefully done implied nude, you couldn't see her bits because they were covered with sparkly gems. She looked phenomenal!!! Fuck them.*


And then my guy friends pester me. They want to know how I managed to get the gems to stick. I should learn to just shut up but stupid little me thinks they are asking out of pure professional curiosity:

Me: "Well first I gave the model a speech - 'I know this is awkward for you, it's just as awkward for me, but we are going to spend the next half an hour or so getting to know each other really really well, and it's going to be weird but let's just deal with it and act like it's normal, so I'll start with your nipples so they are done first and you feel less naked - "
Boys: "YOU TOUCHED HER NIPPLES??? LET ME CARRY YOUR BAGS!!"
Me: "Oh for Pete's sake, I didn't touch her nipples, my glue did. Anyway, I made a pattern of glue dots and pressed a gem onto each one. And once the top was done we both took a minute to compose ourselves then she lifted up her dress and I started working on the bottom - "
Boys: "SHE WAS NAKED ON THE BOTTOM AND YOU TOUCHED HER??? LET ME CARRY YOUR BAGS!!"
Me: "Oh for fucks sake, I didnt TOUCH her THERE! I poured a generous amount of glue, cut a small hole in the bag of gems and literally poured them over her, that's it, no touching. Wait I'll show you a pic"
Boys: "LET ME CARRY YOUR BAGS!!"

.